What I'm gon teach you?

I am home late again
you have a million questions and my mind is far
I wonder what I'm gon teach you?
guilt pools in my chest and I can't see what I have to offer you
I, born of wind and water learned all I know from them
I am oceans and gales and what have I to teach flesh and blood?
my full presence only exists in moments, restless spirit wanders constantly
ain't never been nobody's baby, know little of comfort and stability
I want you anything but your mother's child, most days
safe and free of struggle, as I have never been
weak as children should be
and how can I teach you that?
I have no mommy voice, no sugary falsetto to radiate warmth within you
I refuse to chase boogeymen from your closet and
instead push you to protect yourself
face your own small demons as this is your life's work and they grow as you do
you inherited my lust for flight so strong, boo boos abound more than all better kisses
you must learn to care for yourself the way you wish others to
maybe I can teach you that
all I have for you is who I am,
and the hope that it is not too much for you to bear,
hope that my blood runs thick in you
and you will be nomadic and lonely
hear more lessons in the wind than you do in school
cause sometimes I forget to check homework
and would rather struggle with rulers and principalities than busy body teachers
so little one you must fight your own battles and call for help when you need it
cause I will come when you call but ever present cookie baker ain't me
I give you ways to express your feelings for this world more than how to draw stick men
and I hope you are really your mothers child, strong and fearless
gutsy enough for burning pain
cause babe it's all I know
and I want to shape you not break you
I'll teach you to fill your soul with living water
to lay your life down for your people
to fight hard through tired
and young princes and princesses I pray
your head can bear the weight of the crown
heaven help us it is heavy
but I am your only guide
and what else can I teach you?

Night & Day

She's like sweet honey and chamomile fragrant, blossomy
I am strong chai
she sings sweet and aviary, laughs like bubbling brooks and babies
she carries gentle breezes in her step and love in her arms
sunlight reflects in her eyes
my eyes are dark and mysterious, deep midnight oceans and just as torrid
I laugh like weary sharecroppers and lost minds
no gentility in my steps but thunder and lightning
and I keep my soul in the eye of the storm
and we love her
she is our grandmothers crown and glory
corona so brilliant
and we love her
fear her pain, want to be proved worthy, bring her smile
feel the strength in her hands on our cheeks
I am my grandmothers vengeance, their wrath incurred
mistrust from my day sister is all I have of her
and men fear me, the strongest of my tribe, lose grace of speech in my presence
and hold close their fears, wear them on their shoulders like capes
and I am scarred and bloody can't find graceful
walk with
heavy sword at my hip
and yet in some moments I soar
and I am tired and wish to be longed for
weary of the loneliness of having few equals and no one to climb this mountain with
and my spirit grows so much it begins to float on to heaven
how I wish there were loving hands to pull me back again
rather than just violence and work
just want to be somebody's baby sometimes
want grandmothers to smile on me with pride and joy
more than surreal visions that start me from sleep, in cold sweats
visions of their eyes from red lands, in languages I understand only then
calling urgently for my growth and demanding their justice
want the tears in my eyes to finally fall on someone's lap
need to know my work means something and I have value here and now not just eternally
want to trade courage for love and tempestuous walk for strong lasting embrace
and be normal, if I can't be like her, be like every day, not the day of uprising
but the grandmothers won't be denied and I am their weapon
I am forced atonement not adornment
so I will rest my weary bones to revive myself
cleanse sword with my tears
listen hard for the wind
watch you fly to her, her arms recieve you
bask momentarily in the glory of day and sun
and plunge back into the night